A diary of our family's house building project in the Blue Mountains, NSW, Australia. Also my ponderings on family life, living with Asperger's Syndrome, running an ebay business & a place to share my photography.

Tuesday, 11 December 2007


Ivy thought that Finn was getting too much attention. So she fell over in the local op shop & bashed her head against the floor. I heard the clunk as it hit. I turned, walked toward her as she screamed. Then she stopped. Everything. No screaming, no breathing. Limp in my arms. Only for about 15 seconds but way too long for any parent's liking. Ambulance was called. She breathed & stayed semi-conscious & sheet white for about 15 minutes & slowly came right. Ambulance arrived & they checked her over. Suggested a hospital visit. i chose to keep her calm & watch her but knew she was fine. I wasn't!
We've booked Finn in for a "screening" in early feb. His behaviors is getting more strange by the day I think, or is it my imagination? Am I looking for it? maybe, but I don't think so. Wouldn't kiss me goodnight tonight because he'd brushed his teeth & I hadn't. he's 3 years old for god's sakes.
He's always been great with food but he's starting to get fussy. Apples going too brown, that sort of thing. Wouldn't eat his peas tonight. He's always eaten peas. he's coming out with funny things. life revolves around boats. thank goodness for Duplo. dad makes great Duplo boats! he replicated the Scotland island rubbish boat tonight, to put Finn's rubbish truck on. Finally found his much awaited steering wheel, I think it's supposed to be a Duplo camp fire , bits of wood sticking out but looks like a steering wheel to me (wishful thinking?). Did the trick anyway. he's been hard today. needs company but won't play with kids! Dad's working, mum's trying, he wants us to play! the rain keeps coming, more fog & drizzle than rain today but not outside playing weather.
We had a good weekend. Found a 2 seater kayak at a garage sale. Finn almost wet himself with excitement. it's on the block & he goes fishing, ties it up at wharfs, takes ivy for rides, etc. he knows that we'll hit the water with it at Xmas. He asks questions every day, where, when , how. You'll hang on tight to ivy won't you mummy? he keeps life interesting but our days are SO intense. We managed 4 piers yesterday. i think that makes about 65 of 108. Slow going. Finn had to help, with his own trowel (said with a very round mouth). constant thinking of what he can do next. "what's next dad?", "what can I do now", over & over. don't bother trying to distracting him, a waste of time & energy & he might get insulted, then all hell breaks loose. he sees right through us, no fooling him.
Cannot toilet train him. ivy's pretty much there but he just refuses. Stayed in a poo for 2 hours today because he denied he'd done one & refused to lie down for me & I didn't have the energy to fight him. he wanted his train set & i said "only if I change your nappy". He went without his trains.
my mother tried to call tonight. Spoke to Chelsea for the 1st time this year but apparently didn't ask how she was, how her school certificate went or anything else. Then she proceeded to call Kim's mobile to let us know she got a letter from the bank saying our loan is in arrears. Our building loan is in their name until we are able to re-mortgage when the house is up. So they get all correspondence. I have no idea why it should be in arrears, we were at the bank about 3 weeks ago & all was fine & all payments have been made. It just irks me that my mother wants to call when she thinks we aren't paying a loan that's in her name but has no interest in calling to discuss creating an honest & respectful relationship. my stand in life is this, if it isn't good & healthy I want to change it & if that fails then I reject it. i am open to working on every relationship in my life if the effort is mutual. I believe the world would be a better place if we made a stand to reject the toxic relationships in our life & demand respect & a loving environment for our children. i won't ever talk to my parents unless they accept my request that we focus on improving our relationship. harsh? hardly. for the 1st time in my life I'm being kind to myself, demanding what it is that I need. it only took me 40 years! We're slow to learn & even slower to change, but I know we're all capable of it if we want it badly enough. My children deserve this change.

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